Watching Love Actually has gotten my hopes up that maybe all guys aren't the Devil incarnate and that maybe if I move to England I'll find a Hugh Grant/Colin Firth combination.
I'm moving to Providence Wednesday, officially. The first thing I'm going to do when I see Afro Boy (which is inevitable since I'm going to live 2 streets away) is to get everything out so there's not a question in his mind of what - and what isn't - going to happen. The Redneck and Near Rapage has left me with a rather untrusting outlook on men, and I think it's important that Afro knows what is in store. If he tells me that he's unsure of what he wants, then peace out. If he says that he doesn't want anything serious at all, no matter what the time frame, and just wants to dick around, then peace out again. But if he says that he understands where I'm coming from and swears to APA that he isn't going to screw me over, and is seriously looking to see what may happen between he and I, then fantastic. I'm certainly not in the mood to jump into another serious relationship that will surely end in chaos, and hopefully he'll be able to understand and agree with that.
I've also come to the realization that while I'm over the Redneck, I'm still not over the fact that I was basically an idiot and didn't see any of it coming. He used to tell me that he lives life with "no regrets", but from the lack of apology he's given me, it seems like he doesn't regret going to East Bumfuck, but that he started anything with me in the first place. Crashing realization, I must say. With the choice between him being up my ass and wanting to fix things for the short-term, and him being AWOL with very little contact whatsoever, I'd choose the latter, but now that I'm knee-deep in it, I'm almost wishing it was the first option. At least then I'd have some sort of empowerment and the fate of things would be in my corner, but with him not even wanting to take part makes him the hands-down victor.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Moving into Mob Territory
I'm officially moving into my apartment in Providence December 1st, thank APA. I've got the whole job/school thing figured out so I figured it was about time to get the hell out of New Hampshire.
When I went down to the complex to go over paperwork and last minute things, I had a rather odd sense of deja vu. At first I chalked it up to the fact that I'd been down there the previous week, but looking at the street signs as I was leaving I realized I was literally 2 streets away from Afro Boy's place. That wouldn't really be noteworthy if he had stayed disappeared. The past few nights, moreso the horn-fest last night, has been filled with dirty text messages any where from 2 in the afternoon to 1 o'clock in the morning. I'm trying my hardest not to get wrapped up in things because he's the classic wishy-washy WTF Is He Really Thinking Guy, but his humor and cuteness and that goddamn afro have made it near impossible for me to ignore.
Of course living in that close proximity could be good (i.e. frequent sexcapades), but this could all backfire. It could be like we spend time together, then more time, then we get annoyed by eachother, and then bumping into eachother at Whole Foods gets awkward. He'd disappear of the face of the earth again and I'd be stuck at home reminicing about his hair.
When I went down to the complex to go over paperwork and last minute things, I had a rather odd sense of deja vu. At first I chalked it up to the fact that I'd been down there the previous week, but looking at the street signs as I was leaving I realized I was literally 2 streets away from Afro Boy's place. That wouldn't really be noteworthy if he had stayed disappeared. The past few nights, moreso the horn-fest last night, has been filled with dirty text messages any where from 2 in the afternoon to 1 o'clock in the morning. I'm trying my hardest not to get wrapped up in things because he's the classic wishy-washy WTF Is He Really Thinking Guy, but his humor and cuteness and that goddamn afro have made it near impossible for me to ignore.
Of course living in that close proximity could be good (i.e. frequent sexcapades), but this could all backfire. It could be like we spend time together, then more time, then we get annoyed by eachother, and then bumping into eachother at Whole Foods gets awkward. He'd disappear of the face of the earth again and I'd be stuck at home reminicing about his hair.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
The Drunk Misadventures of Dating
I am rather intoxicated. Again.
Last night I had a dream which included Boy with an Afro who Likes Indie Bands and it made me immensely aware that I am not yet over him or our minor fling. This made me come to the conclusion that maybe he was interested in me when I was dating the Redneck, and now that I'm single he's gotten disinterested. I think. I think that makes sense. So. I've been fighting the temptation to text or call him since that would be wrong according to Greg, that I should let him come to me if he wants to make any sort of move. My impatience is going to get the best of me, I just know it, so I'm sure this time tomorrow there will be another update with a failed response from Afro.
But I liiiiiiiiike him. He's just different. And he has good hair. I find it frustrating that he was a key motivation for cheating on the Redneck, and now that I'm free of any ties he has shown his face or gotten in contact with me a handful of times. Of course that launches me into an insecure spiral, which I refuse to be sucked into, so I've convinced (or have tried to) myself that it's his problem - that maybe he's so taken by me that he's at a loss for words.
Or he could be interested in someone else.
Or already involved with someone else.
Or not even interested or involved with someone else, but still doesn't want me.
Goddammit. I'm texting him.
Last night I had a dream which included Boy with an Afro who Likes Indie Bands and it made me immensely aware that I am not yet over him or our minor fling. This made me come to the conclusion that maybe he was interested in me when I was dating the Redneck, and now that I'm single he's gotten disinterested. I think. I think that makes sense. So. I've been fighting the temptation to text or call him since that would be wrong according to Greg, that I should let him come to me if he wants to make any sort of move. My impatience is going to get the best of me, I just know it, so I'm sure this time tomorrow there will be another update with a failed response from Afro.
But I liiiiiiiiike him. He's just different. And he has good hair. I find it frustrating that he was a key motivation for cheating on the Redneck, and now that I'm free of any ties he has shown his face or gotten in contact with me a handful of times. Of course that launches me into an insecure spiral, which I refuse to be sucked into, so I've convinced (or have tried to) myself that it's his problem - that maybe he's so taken by me that he's at a loss for words.
Or he could be interested in someone else.
Or already involved with someone else.
Or not even interested or involved with someone else, but still doesn't want me.
Goddammit. I'm texting him.
Friday, November 9, 2007
My gaydar is off
What are some defining characteristics of a guy being gay?
A What Team is He Playing For guy has recently caught my interest due to his good looks and ability to dose out 'ohnohedidn't' comments about a socially awkward girl in our class. The last few weeks I've blatantly described my recent date flops in hopes of him revealing if he's straight or the next Perez Hilton. The only sign that maaaaybe he isn't interested in just dicks is that I saw him check out my boobs in class. But then again they are rather awe-inspiring and my main gay has copped a feel a few times. It looks as though I may need to recruit him in order to see what way things swing.
A What Team is He Playing For guy has recently caught my interest due to his good looks and ability to dose out 'ohnohedidn't' comments about a socially awkward girl in our class. The last few weeks I've blatantly described my recent date flops in hopes of him revealing if he's straight or the next Perez Hilton. The only sign that maaaaybe he isn't interested in just dicks is that I saw him check out my boobs in class. But then again they are rather awe-inspiring and my main gay has copped a feel a few times. It looks as though I may need to recruit him in order to see what way things swing.
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