Movin' On Up

In about a week Christian and I are moving into our apartment and finally getting out of my parent's place. Even though we've only been here for about a month, it sure seems a hell of a lot longer. We both have a distinct feeling that everything is going to insanely well - especially since we've had to deal with the added stress here and things have been good.

Next week is going to be eventful, with the WFNX party in Boston and then The Killers show the following night at Foxwoods. As far as I know we're heading down early for the concert since Christian took the day off and with my current unemployment it's not like I have anything else to do. I'm preparing myself now for the long 3 hour ride back that will no doubt occur at 1AM. Ahh, the sacrifices I make for my glittery homo Brandon.

We are cute.

Suzy Homemaker

Today is the last day I'll be living "alone" for who knows how long - forever, maybe? Granted, considering I'm camping out in my parent's house I'm not exactly alone, but it's surely the end of my single living existance. Christian moves in tomorrow and while I'm absolutely convinced that living with him will be nothing short of wonderful, the same old fears of me driving him nuts have of course resurfaced. The other sort of scary-exciting thing is that this could be it. While I haven't been single for almost 3 months, this is solidifying the fact that I am entirely in a relationship. It isn't long-distance or a situation where we only see each other a few nights a week; this is the point of no return - minus the suspenseful music. I still wonder how the hell I got here and am still stunned at how easy it all was. Is this a fluke or is this the way love is supposed to be? Either way I think I'm pretty goddamn lucky.

Oh my God, I miss him so much.

He's Going to Fix Me

"Fix You" by Coldplay seems to sum up things between Christian and I up best; that no matter what happens, we'll always be there for eachother to make everything work. Although right now there issue of distance is something we'd both like to fix but can't for 2 more weeks, maybe less.

I'm back up in New Hampshire while he's training his replacement in Providence. He doesn't want to be there by any means as evident by the stream of sappy text messages we've been sending back and forth since I left on Thursday. God, it's only been 3 days? I feel...pathetic a bit for already missing him so much and while I've been telling myself that two weeks is nothing it still seems so daunting. I know the fact that we spent nearly every day together over the last few weeks surely didn't ease the separation.

This sort of seems like a running theme for our relationship, huh? Things get going, then dud out, then back up again, then flounders, and then now - going fantastic and then halted. Though now it's the circumstances and reality of things rather than him being dumb and trying to avoid getting caught up in things. Also, I can't help but wonder where we would be had he realized how ideal we are for eachother four or five months ago instead of two. In the same place? I actually think we would've probably been shacking up in Providence instead of here, which probably would've resulted in us being stagnant and near-broke for the next several months or year, so I'm glad that we're hurrying up and moving forward. It's funny though, as of lately the only thing I've been sure of is him. I used to have everything so mapped out, but now I know that as long as I have him there by my side, things will end up great.

You need his balls for what, exactly?

Christian and I had our first minor issue last night and while I'm nearly over it, I have a looming feeling that it's going to be stuck in the back of my head for awhile.

He dated his ex-girlfriend on and off throughout high school and periodically fooled around with her throughout college as well as recently as this past December. I don't have an issue with that, especially since we weren't serious and just starting to get things going with figuring out what we wanted. The issue that I find a bit odd and clingly is that she calls him daily. She makes a point of it to call when her boyfriend (who she is living in) is not around since apparently he isn't too fond of the idea, and while I have no right to pick and choose who he talks to I can't helped but be a bit bothered by it.

Last night he went to go switch over his laundry at my place down the hallway and she called when he was heading out the door. After a few minutes I could hear him in the hall still talking to her and 15 minutes later he walked in to my apartment. I told him that while I understand him wanting to be considerate about being on the phone in front of me, I still would prefer that if he's discussing things about us that he not slip away to where he thinks he can't be heard. I've dealt with way too many shady exes to shake the trust issue I have, and while I trust him it's her I don't trust.

I mentioned to him that her checking in periodically is fine - Ben and I do that - but there's got to be another reason why she phones him every 24 hours. In my opinion it's because she's jealous that he's moved on, and although she herself has gotten into another relationship, he's been the male constant in her life so the fact that she isn't thought about as the top female is annoying her. And also the idea that having sex or fooling around with him again is out of the question. Christian had always told me "No, that's not it - yeah she's jealous, but she doesn't want me".

Well last night he totally ate his words. She was complaining about how she won't get to see him again when he moves, that he won't talk to her, etc. He told her that wasn't true, blah, blah, blah, and that if that does happen she can kick him in the balls. Her response? "No, I won't do that because I'm going to need them someday"....Excuse me? What was that? I ask him what he said back to her and he states that all he did was laugh "uncomfortably". Ok fine. At least he didn't agree, right? I told him that I would have rathered have him say something to remind her that, hello, he is in a relationship that doesn't include her. Even something like "Haha I don't think my girlfriend would exactly approve of that" would have sufficed.

We then have a big discussion (with Ashley on speakerphone) about how I don't have to trust her, only him, nothing is going to happen, how my trust level is shot due to the shit I have dealt with in the past, etc. I have a distinct feeling that she is going to be super phony when I meet her, but I'm just planning on killing her with kindness and being as close to perfection as possible to show her that I'm not threatened by her and that she will never get close to his junk ever again.

Smirnoff thingamajig

I am numbing myself with alcohol and dancing around to Kasabian. Although right now it's more of a bouncing around. I have ISSUES with school which I refuse to admit until I can't fix them and have decided that there is NOTHING I can do til Monday. The selected caps lock make me feel more impowered.

Christian is at the Death Cab for Cutie show and mentioned that he plans on calling me when they play "I Will Follow You Into the Dark". I don't ----ehhhh. Scratch that thought. It's nice. And sappy. And thoughtful. He said that whenever he gets married instead of saying his vows he wants to sing that to the chick - at which point I pointed at myself heh. THAT'S RIGHT I JUST "HEH"ed. God dammit. So we're moving in together, granted it's into my parents house but this is like the beginning of everything. I never understood why this is so easy and everything with all the other guys I dated was so difficult. Probably because they were idiots. In any case, I'm thankful for it being easy; if anything it's more reassuring that he feels the same way and that things are going to work out. I've been extremely cautious since breaking up with Ross, hence the over 5 month blog mostly about the Christian situation, so to have everything go good for once scares the crap out of me and comforts me at the same time.

I am going to keep drinking.