Needless to say, I have a hickey on my neck.

Where the hell did I leave off? Oh right, the whole online dating scheme that failed miserably. I bounced off that site after 3 days.

After taking time out of the Christian senario for a few weeks, he made a surprisingly open, thoughtful, and apologetic text to me earlier this week:

"So as I lay in bed I realize I lost a girl that was perfect for me and honestly lately its really bothered me. I hope that maybe one day you will find the heart to give me another chance. You are beautiful and any guy that gets to be with you is a lucky man."

That was the gist of it, he also mentioned about how the fact that he felt so comfortable and connected with me "scared the shit" out of him. I was unsure at first if he was covering his ass and trying to suck up or if he was genuinely sorry for what had happened. I told him that if he was serious, no wishy-washiness, then I'd give him another chance to make things right. And the chance was last night.

When yesterday started I should've known that some degree of "WTF my luck is finally changing?!" was to be set in. First, I was chosed to adopt a 50lb English Bulldog named Winnie who I picked up from work. Shortly after Ashley ended up in Providence to meet her new daughter and crash at my place for the night. A text from Christian followed soon after and after betting with Ashley on whether or not he would actually show his face - he showed up. After everything that has gone between he and I things were undoubtedly awkward at first, with him being very careful about his responses to anything I asked. While it could just be him being unsure of things, I tend to believe that he realizes that now is the time for him to step up and is worried that any wrong thing could get him crossed out of my life permanently.

Why is it that sometimes it seems like the relationships with the least amount of arguments is the one that stresses you out the most? I am fully embracing a conventional relationship where everything is just easy since my last few have been filled with chaos. But with things being so comfortable and natural, why is it so damn hard for it to get off the ground? After last night I have no idea where we stand. We could be just messing around, casually dating each other, or starting something serious for all I know.