Watching Love Actually has gotten my hopes up that maybe all guys aren't the Devil incarnate and that maybe if I move to England I'll find a Hugh Grant/Colin Firth combination.
I'm moving to Providence Wednesday, officially. The first thing I'm going to do when I see Afro Boy (which is inevitable since I'm going to live 2 streets away) is to get everything out so there's not a question in his mind of what - and what isn't - going to happen. The Redneck and Near Rapage has left me with a rather untrusting outlook on men, and I think it's important that Afro knows what is in store. If he tells me that he's unsure of what he wants, then peace out. If he says that he doesn't want anything serious at all, no matter what the time frame, and just wants to dick around, then peace out again. But if he says that he understands where I'm coming from and swears to APA that he isn't going to screw me over, and is seriously looking to see what may happen between he and I, then fantastic. I'm certainly not in the mood to jump into another serious relationship that will surely end in chaos, and hopefully he'll be able to understand and agree with that.
I've also come to the realization that while I'm over the Redneck, I'm still not over the fact that I was basically an idiot and didn't see any of it coming. He used to tell me that he lives life with "no regrets", but from the lack of apology he's given me, it seems like he doesn't regret going to East Bumfuck, but that he started anything with me in the first place. Crashing realization, I must say. With the choice between him being up my ass and wanting to fix things for the short-term, and him being AWOL with very little contact whatsoever, I'd choose the latter, but now that I'm knee-deep in it, I'm almost wishing it was the first option. At least then I'd have some sort of empowerment and the fate of things would be in my corner, but with him not even wanting to take part makes him the hands-down victor.
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