Tonight We're Going to Party Like it's...a Doomed Relationship.

New Year's Eve is here already and I can't help but reflect back on the dating ups and downs I've experienced over the last 12 months:

This time last year I was hanging out in a garage in Maryland playing beer pong, doing shots of Jack, and smoking cigars with mildly attractive friends of the Redneck. Of course what started off as a good time ended with a fight over the Redneck getting more obliterated that I have ever seen him, and we were forced to sleep on the floor since he was too drunk to drive home. That should've been a sign that our relationship was destined to crash and burn.

As things dissolved into an on-again, off-again relationship through April and May I cheated for the first time in any relationship. And cheated again. And again. And again. And again. Twice in New York City with two different people; Once with the Redneck's (supposed) best friend; Multiple times with Afro; Several occasions with Whitest Boy Alive; and a few times with a semi-guido who worked at the airport. The funny thing is, even after all that and blatanty knowing that what I was doing wasn't right and that obviously something was wrong with the Redneck and I's relationship, I still wanted to make it work. I think it was more of my pride than anything else. I never told him what had happened while he was ten states away for 2 months, and although he mildly suspected it, nothing was ever discussed. Who knows, he was probably doing the same thing.

While I consider myself a honest person (sometimes too honest) when it comes to friends and family, I know that my downfall in relationships is that I cover up any mistakes I make to have things seem as perfect as possible. Instead of confronting the Redneck and breaking things up while he was gone, I instead searched for someone who could temporarily take his place.

Part of me thinks that things with Afro will never work out simply because I cheated on the Redneck with him, and since Karma is a bitch, I'm going to get screwed over just like I screwed my boyfriend over. The other part of me is extremely paranoid of placing my trust in the wrong person and that by trying to start something with someone who was a knowing accomplice in my cheating is someone who isn't in fact very trustworthy at all.

To wrap all this up - my resolution for 2008 is to be honest with myself and whoever I enter a relationship with so that things don't go haywire. I need to be more considerate of my actions in regards to the other person, while maintaining a higher standard for myself.

I hope everyone has a fantastic night - since I'll be spending mine out on the town with my other half Ashley, I know that this New Year's Eve is going to be hard to beat!