As much as I'd like to report that things have magically altered between Afro Boy and I now that the new year has begun, I can't. The year started off well with him showing up once Ashley and I ended our nightly celebrations, but the past two days have been filled with let downs. With me still battling my cold and sticking to my resolution of not taking any bull, it's been more discouraging than ever since I haven't gotten the opportunity to lay it all out. Tonight he stated he was going out with a friend and would stop by later, and if he does I have a game plan all laid out:
First, I've done what he's doing. In the past I periodically fooled around with an ex, listened to his emotional frustrations, then bailed only to pop up weeks or months later into his life. Lather, rinse, repeat. Now, after what's been happening, I feel awful about the way I've acted, and there's no way I'm doing that to him again.
Second, in conjuction with the above statement - he's not the only one being affected. I don't know if he just doesn't really care or is aware of what this is doing to be, and I don't think I've given him an impression that would state otherwise, but he is being extremely selfish with how he's acting. He gets to stay guarded, emotionally distant, and can come and go as he pleases because he apparently has no emotional ties to what's going on. As much I want him to regard me with more care, I have a distinct feeling I'm not even an afterthought.
Third, once all that is out, he needs to decide then and there what he wants, and if it's something I agree with then things can proceed. If he states he "doesn't know" or "doesn't want to get hurt", I'm sorry, but grow the fuck up. This is what life and relationships are about - taking chances. If he ends up getting hurt, then he needs to pick his ass up and continue on. There is no sense in living life in fear of getting emotional scars or being unsure of what you want or need.
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