Christian and I had our first minor issue last night and while I'm nearly over it, I have a looming feeling that it's going to be stuck in the back of my head for awhile.
He dated his ex-girlfriend on and off throughout high school and periodically fooled around with her throughout college as well as recently as this past December. I don't have an issue with that, especially since we weren't serious and just starting to get things going with figuring out what we wanted. The issue that I find a bit odd and clingly is that she calls him daily. She makes a point of it to call when her boyfriend (who she is living in) is not around since apparently he isn't too fond of the idea, and while I have no right to pick and choose who he talks to I can't helped but be a bit bothered by it.
Last night he went to go switch over his laundry at my place down the hallway and she called when he was heading out the door. After a few minutes I could hear him in the hall still talking to her and 15 minutes later he walked in to my apartment. I told him that while I understand him wanting to be considerate about being on the phone in front of me, I still would prefer that if he's discussing things about us that he not slip away to where he thinks he can't be heard. I've dealt with way too many shady exes to shake the trust issue I have, and while I trust him it's her I don't trust.
I mentioned to him that her checking in periodically is fine - Ben and I do that - but there's got to be another reason why she phones him every 24 hours. In my opinion it's because she's jealous that he's moved on, and although she herself has gotten into another relationship, he's been the male constant in her life so the fact that she isn't thought about as the top female is annoying her. And also the idea that having sex or fooling around with him again is out of the question. Christian had always told me "No, that's not it - yeah she's jealous, but she doesn't want me".
Well last night he totally ate his words. She was complaining about how she won't get to see him again when he moves, that he won't talk to her, etc. He told her that wasn't true, blah, blah, blah, and that if that does happen she can kick him in the balls. Her response? "No, I won't do that because I'm going to need them someday"....Excuse me? What was that? I ask him what he said back to her and he states that all he did was laugh "uncomfortably". Ok fine. At least he didn't agree, right? I told him that I would have rathered have him say something to remind her that, hello, he is in a relationship that doesn't include her. Even something like "Haha I don't think my girlfriend would exactly approve of that" would have sufficed.
We then have a big discussion (with Ashley on speakerphone) about how I don't have to trust her, only him, nothing is going to happen, how my trust level is shot due to the shit I have dealt with in the past, etc. I have a distinct feeling that she is going to be super phony when I meet her, but I'm just planning on killing her with kindness and being as close to perfection as possible to show her that I'm not threatened by her and that she will never get close to his junk ever again.
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2 comments:
She sounds like a bitch (Sorry Christian, if you're reading this, but she does..) with a lot of insecurity and possession issues: "if I can't have him, noone can!" sort of shit.
When I dated Paul, AKA- wasted a year of my life- he, his ex girlfriend, and I, had a similar issue. She would CONSTANTLY call him, even moreso when she found out he and I were a couple- and whine how it wasn't fair that she couldn't spend as much time with him, and how they were ~*destined*~ to get back together, and how I had stupid hair or some shit- and Paul also lacked the ability to tell her to sit down and shut up.
In the end- I was the one who had to do it, and I did it as nicely as possible. She gave up after that, so killing that sharpie-browed twat with kindness is the best route to go, bb.
I later found out that Paul was still taking money and gifts from her though, while being in a relationship with me- so I think you have a leg up in your situation compared to mine. :3
LOL @ "sharpie-browed twat".
I can understand being jealous and needing attention from an ex because I've been there. When Ben first started dating someone else I'd call him randomly (granted, not daily or even weekly) because I was single and bored and knew he would answer his phone.
It's like a kid who throws a tempertantrum to get attention - to fix the situation you just gotta beat the shit out of them :D
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